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DK Says.......


November 9, 2008
Is it okay to have the new boyfriend spend the night with the kids there?
If there is one question I get asked over and over, it has to do with introducing the kids to a new partner.  More specifically, people want to know if it's okay to have their new love interest spend the night while the kids are home.  In fact, it is the number one search that seems to lead people to my site.  I say, if you are asking the question, you probably know in your heart of hearts, that the time isn't right yet.  First of all, most of my information is aimed at people who are dealing with shared custody.  That means that you have days and nights of the week that your kids are going to stay at your ex spouse's house.  So assuming that is the situation, I see no reason why you need to rush into having a new boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night at your house when your kids are home.  Ask yourself this, would you leave them home alone to go spend the night at your new romantic partner's house?  Probably not.  So many times when we are just getting into a new relationship we aren't thinking clearly.  We are thinking with our libidos or our hearts instead of our brains.  I'm not against people eventually having someone spend the night.  But I certainly think that it can wait until the relationship is very well established.  Perhaps a year or more?  Or at some point that it becomes clear that this may become a new spouse.  Otherwise, why bother interrupting what is already a difficult adjustment for your child.  It isn't all about you......and you do have other nights in a week that you can do this.  Remember, kids are very impressionable.  By your example they follow.  Do you want them at 16 to be parading through multiple partners, or changing right after a breakup?  They will likely do as they saw.......so think about your kids long and hard before you invite that partner to spend the night.  Is it really worth it?



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